Equation
for Happiness
A while back, a world renown singer
was found dead in a hotel room. The
cause of death was overdose. One has to
wonder what made the singer’s life so
unbearable that he--successful by any means, be it wealth or fame--had to put an
end to it. Thinking about the news, I
concluded that no one enjoys complete happiness or satisfaction. Everyone has his or her (female gender
omitted after this point) own share of joy and pain, but it just does not seem
that way because everyone is so different.
I think it is 50:50. I think
everyone has an equal amount of the good and the bad happen in their
lives. And I think it is quite fair.
Even so, some are happier than
others. Could this be because some are
simply more fortunate than others?
I think the ones who are happy and
the ones who are unhappy simply have a different way of adding and subtracting
happiness and unhappiness. That is, when
thinking about the past, the ones who are happy think of the happy times as
opposed to the unhappy ones. They add
the happy thoughts to the present. On
the other hand, the ones who are unhappy think more about the times that were
unhappy and add frustration and remorse to the present. What is past is past, whether one likes it or
not. What is left is only a memory, but
these people hold on to what is spilt milk and torment themselves. Moreover, the unhappy person thinks about all
the things that could go wrong in the future and adds them to the present as well. Here is an example. Let's say an unhappy person is hiking, and it
suddenly begins to rain. Three
kilometers down the path there is a brook to be crossed. The unhappy person begins to worry about
whether the shoes need to kept on or taken off.
One could simply continue to hike and decide on the shoes when one
actually reaches the brook. Instead, the
unhappy person worries and takes the shoes off three kilometers in advance.
In sum, the unhappy person brings
back past unhappy events and adds them to the present. At the same time, he looks into the future
and begins to worry about things that have not yet happened (but could happen
as far as he is concerned) and adds them into the present as well. So although the ratio between the happy and
the unhappy events starts out 50:50, for the unhappy person, the unhappy
thoughts increase and the happy thoughts decrease accordingly. When listening to the unhappy person, one has
to wonder whether this person truly came across more unfortunate events than
others or made himself more unhappy because he added the unhappiness
himself.
On the other hand, when thinking
about the past, the happy person thinks of the good times as opposed to the bad
and adds those thoughts to the present.
He also takes away or subtracts the bad ones. When the happy person is thinking about the
future, he adds to the present hope and positivity and subtracts the anxiety
and negativity. So this person’s present is always full of
happiness and positivity.
There is another big difference
between the happy and unhappy person: the main actors in their lives. That is, for the unhappy person, the person
inflicting the pain or suffering is always someone other than himself. The unhappy person thinks he is in a rut,
because of someone or something. The
unhappy person is always a victim of circumstance and therefore feels like he
has no control over the situation. He
feels more and more helpless. The
unhappy person complains that someone is causing him grief but does not
acknowledge the fact that he himself does not possess the flexibility to accept
or perhaps forgive the other party. The
unhappy declare themselves unhappy, because their business is not doing well or
they don't have enough money. If what
they say is true, then the very rich should not be committing suicide. If one is not happy here and now, then one
will surely not be happy even if his problems are resolved. This is because when one is unhappy, it is
not due to a particular problem but because this person has the habit or in a
pattern of making himself unhappy. Even
if there are problems, one can be still be happy.
We are surrounded by both the good
and bad--probably half and half. But if
one brings back good memories from the past and thinks about one's hopes and
dreams for the future, how can one not be happy? One has to realize that the main actor in the
show that is called life is himself.
Only when this happens, does one have the ability to add the positive
and subtract the negative. That is the
equation for happiness. It is
simple. Ultimately, one makes one's own
happiness.
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